20 Mar Good Bye Sweet Girl
The doorbell rang and it was them. They were all aglow with love and excitement, with a little bit of apprehension. I went over all the goodies I had packed up for her and the paperwork I handed over too. I still now feel like there is something I missed. That seems to be my only hang-up. Did I tell them that sometimes she likes the pacifier when she is super tired and can’t eat yet? Did I tell them she likes to be bounced a little to help her sleep? I hope I said that she drinks the formula super fast sometimes and other times slow as molasses.
Erwin reassures me I did.
I got to talk to one parent for awhile while Erwin did his protective Dad checklist with the other one. We have a lot in common and they were really easy to talk to. One is quiet and one is super excited. I think it may be the fact that they have come so close to getting other babies for it to all change at the last second. I’m glad we’ve been able to be a part of this super day with them!
It’s time and Erwin kisses her a few more times as she wakes up and hands her to her new family. They gently put her in the carrier and the crying begins. Not us yet. This was Baby Girl in all her might protesting this new move. She was not a happy camper. And there was nothing Er or I could do. She was scared. I think a little bit was exhaustion and that it was almost time for food. What I knew for a fact was her eyes were fixated on Erwin and I trying to get it through our heads that she wanted out! I gave her the favorite blankie and had Ethan sit next to her why we said goodbye to her new parents. They gave me the biggest hug and I will never forget what they said,”Thank you so much Amy. And anytime you want to see her or hear her, just call! Really, I mean it. Just call!” That was it! My waterworks began.
They walked out, I shut the doors and fell into Erwin’s arms. How could something so wonderful hurt so bad? I know it was the right thing. I know this family is her Forever Family. There were absolutely no doubts that this was God’s plan for our little Angel. I couldn’t stop the tears though. Erwin just held me tightly.
I think I cried even more because the person rubbing my back telling me what a great mom I had been to her and how I gave her everything I could, was Abby. I think Er and I prepared the kids better than we prepared ourselves.
Saturday night was quiet. The kids didn’t go back to school till Tuesday, so we had a few days to let this all settle. On Sunday it was just the four of us. Erwin shared with me later that he played the lottery last week and if he won, it was a sign we should adopt her. I guess he shared it with the kids but not me. Smart move.
We will now take each day as it comes; thinking of her as much as we can, I don’t want to forget her. Somehow I don’t think my heart will let me.