20 Mar I Cried
It was right after my WIC appointment for the month of September and I was walking the baby aisles of a local grocery store looking for some teething toys for Baby Girl. The drool is in full force now and she loves to suck on her blankets. I decide on the fridge ones. My phone rings and it’s Ernie, the county worker. I haven’t heard from him in a few weeks and am so anxious to hear what he is going to say. He says he has some updates for me. They have found a family. Oh wow! Okay. They seem very nice and he is optimistic this will be a great transition.
“Okay.” is really all I can muster at this point. Then he says, before he moves forward with this family we have a little speed bump in the road. They received a phone call from bio-mom’s bio-sister. Huh? You heard from who? I thought she was adopted and had been in the system her whole life. Plus, we were told there was only one family member who was an adopted sister. Seems like this woman has shown up from nowhere. After years of dealing with this bio-mom, Ernie never knew about any blood relatives. Till now. They live in another state pretty far away but are super excited and everything seems to be rolling. She has to speak to her spouse and then get back to Ernie before we do anything else. He has been leaving messages but has not heard back. He will give them a few more days and then move on to the family he found. “Okay.”
I got off the phone kind of excited, telling Baby Girl that she has an Aunt and may be able to meet her. Someone who might look like her and know stuff about her mother’s past. This was a positive step in my book. It wasn’t till later when I was holding her as she napped when I started to cry for the first time. Staring at her thinking about how far away she will be from me. I will be sending her to complete strangers. I won’t be able to just drive over and check-in. Even if they want an open relationship with us. It all turned not so positive. How the heck am I gonna do this?
The next few weeks were spent looking at the phone and wondering why Ernie hadn’t called.
While we waited we watched Baby Girl grow and start to have favorite toys. She smiled when the dog sat near her or ran by. She also got more and more attached to me. Erwin would come home and give me a break but she didn’t want anything to do with him for long. All the extra attention has backfired on me. I thought her new parents would have to deal with her of wanting to be held by me all the time. Oops-we’re the ones dealing with it. Oh well, I will survive holding this 12lbs of pure love! I will survive!