20 Mar The View From Here
I have something delicious I’d like to share with you:
After blogging my ‘We Move On’ post, I received the most generous response from a reader,
I love your stories, your heart, and your ability to communicate so well to us all! I’m living vicariously through the Angel’s site these days… I read your story today, and I wanted to tell you – though I hope you already know – being a mommy is 100% about doing the job. We have biological and adopted kids and the pregnancy and the genes have never been missed with our adopted ones. Of course, I wish they’d gotten their start and spent their first months with us – that part will always be missing I suppose – but, if you’re loving your kids, you haven’t missed anything!
What I experienced with my adopted kids that I took for granted with my biological ones is the appreciation, gratitude and the humbling experience of being trusted to raise a child. That’s something most parents miss that you and I share.
Congratulations on all your happiness, and thank you for loving these kids.
With much appreciation and admiration,
First of all, Carrie, thank you, for taking the time amidst your busy schedule to compliment and reassure, not just me, but many other (I’m sure) adoptive parents out there. I found great comfort in your wisdom in regards to your experience with nothing being “missed” as far as genes and pregnancy. From day one, my husband and my relationship with our kids has been so fluid and effortless. I’m not talking effortless in the labor department, simply the love between mother, father and child. Naturally, nothing has felt missed, yet I found myself breathing a small sigh of relief when you emphasized that, it solidified what I already presumed to be my reality.
I’m aware our son is of his own genetic make-up, but through nurture he has morphed into my husband any myself in so many ways; his mannerisms, his sarcasm, his gentleness with every child who has come into our home after him.
And you’re so right, it is the most gratifying and humbling experience. I find myself embracing the knowledge that everyday could be your last with every foster child, so take full advantage. Of course, I’m not perfect and there are days that pass that I know I did not seize the day as I should, but as I lie in bed at night I reflect on our previous losses and my perspective rejuvenates in a matter of seconds. Honestly, I’m not sure I’d have that awareness without my fostering experiences.
More than once, I have rocked my babies as I cried over them knowing that my role as their mother was about to end, that in a matter of hours they would wonder where their mommy, daddy and brother went. To struggle with the question of whether my child felt abandoned after reunifying with a person who was a stranger to them, is definitely one of my least favorite parts of fostering. Yet, it has allowed me to hug my son that much closer knowing I don’t ever have to endure that feeling with him. With every heartache of a reunified child brings that much more patience and appreciation for my children now. In essence, I believe I’m a much better mother because of it.
I hope one day you can welcome Angels into your home Carrie, I’d be honored to share the privilege with a woman like you.